The Sith Army

Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Order of the Sith


3 posters

    more of a bit of something

    maxy
    maxy


    Posts : 28
    Join date : 2009-10-31

    more of a bit of something Empty more of a bit of something

    Post  maxy Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:28 am

    It was a dreary, depressing day on BLACKOUT, so called because of constant

    space raids which caused military blackouts all over the planet nearly daily.

    Lieut. Mathew "cheese" Rackham was standing on the balcony of the research

    lab looking out over the rain forest and hidden planetary defenses. Glad to be

    out of the cramped and noisy command center mr. cheese, as his men called

    him, wished he could be on one of the ships up above him as they fought the

    attack fleet of the aTos who were attacking this planet in hopes of finding

    some hidden carmainan spice that had been shipped to the planet only days

    before. Because of his fast thinking mr. cheese had been able to recall the

    large fleet soon enough to catch the aTo fleet. Now both fleest were locked in a

    deadly battle for survival.



    many admirals and commanders in the fleet though it was a shame that a

    bright communications officer such as Mathew Rackham was stuck planet side

    for 3 whole combat phases. nine months away from a starfleet was more than

    most could handle. however he had been busy during his time on the planet:

    after intercepting several transmissions from enemy fleets he had prepared the

    fleet for a total of six battles all of which we won, successfully pulled off a

    invasion against aTo planets crippling their fleets, and saved a valuable fleet

    from being captured by enemy saboteurs. he had already mad a name for

    himself as one of the fastest decoders in the fleet. besides being fast he was

    also known for his fast thinking and ability to relay accurate espionage reports

    to the data net before anyone else had even decoded it.



    but all this fame as a data code specialist felt more like a burden to him. he

    wanted to be back in the fleet commanding a squadron of battleships or even

    being a battlecruiser captain anything was better than the cramped and sweaty

    command center where he felt he now lived...



    (to be continued) [or not] if you want i can write more {about the sith wars}
    EDIT: wrong last name... rackham not holt...


    Last edited by maxy on Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:47 pm; edited 2 times in total
    maxy
    maxy


    Posts : 28
    Join date : 2009-10-31

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  maxy Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:01 pm

    please comment
    Darth Vectivus
    Darth Vectivus
    Lord of the Circle


    Posts : 86
    Join date : 2009-10-01
    Age : 38
    Location : Montreal, Qc, Canada

    more of a bit of something Empty Comment on Interesting Stories

    Post  Darth Vectivus Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:41 am

    Hi maxy (is Holt's story YOURS (former time playing in a different Uni)?)

    Yes, I find Matt Holt's situation interesting.
    You can put the two parts together, as you will soon see in my story.
    Please use your good orthographic skill, to make the look better.
    (unless someone else can edit them-an editor department area for stories?)

    If this story continues, as it would be nice, I would suggest any of these following titles:
    Decoders of the Force
    Decoders of Universal Lore
    I Dream of Ships (where Matt and Mr.Cheese will find each other and re-live/re-make the Ship Dream:Billions of Ships in the Universal Sky)


    As for the two parts of the story coming together, somehow Matt Holt's ship gets a mortal hit and his ship crashes on BLACKOUT, where he and a few of his men survive. Mr. Cheese finds them, and gets them back to health (some get concussions), and Holt and Cheese find a way to build another Destroyer to be part of the war. (This is an abbreviation...you can expand)

    Hope this helps! Great fleet in G7 btw. Keep it up. cheers
    I just hope I don't lose mine anytime soon, and within a week I can build a DeathStar!
    Darth Plagueis
    Darth Plagueis
    High Lord Apprentice


    Posts : 93
    Join date : 2009-10-01
    Age : 33
    Location : Singapore/China

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  Darth Plagueis Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:59 am

    Ahhh.... I prefer your commentator style on the ogame board more...lol
    maxy
    maxy


    Posts : 28
    Join date : 2009-10-31

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  maxy Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:18 am

    the comentator is all for lolz

    vectivus
    what do you mean improve the look??? double space? add in more garmmer difrenintal? (like my other story with italics and different fonts?) what?
    Darth Vectivus
    Darth Vectivus
    Lord of the Circle


    Posts : 86
    Join date : 2009-10-01
    Age : 38
    Location : Montreal, Qc, Canada

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  Darth Vectivus Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:50 pm

    Yes maxy.
    Please double space if you can. I use font size 13 for the look.
    Don't bunch everything up (Don't make it one giant paragraph). That's what I mean. Story is good, don't get me wrong.

    And you just made a spelling error in your request.
    "garmmer difrenintal" should be grammer differential. (I think you did this on purpose).

    Look at the layout of Sarge's and my story. Try and see what you can do.
    maxy
    maxy


    Posts : 28
    Join date : 2009-10-31

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  maxy Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:52 pm

    that better?

    if not i can try a few other things to make it clearer if you like it ill edit the other one too and write the 3rd character prologue...
    Darth Vectivus
    Darth Vectivus
    Lord of the Circle


    Posts : 86
    Join date : 2009-10-01
    Age : 38
    Location : Montreal, Qc, Canada

    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  Darth Vectivus Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:50 am

    Yes. better. cheers
    Usually new paragraphs start with capitals, but who cares?
    It is your story and you can write it the way you want.
    I just don't like when everything looks bunched up.

    Sponsored content


    more of a bit of something Empty Re: more of a bit of something

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Thu May 16, 2024 9:23 pm